On Transmitting Likes to Children

Brandi was shooting a video of Everett in his Texas Rangers onesie this morning. She asked him why he likes the Rangers, and then she said, "Of course, we know you're going to be a Cardinals fan." For whatever reason, the idea of Everett becoming a Cardinals fan wasn't completely warm and fuzzy for me.

Lots of parents try to get their kids into the things they're into. But getting Everett to become a Cardinals fan seems like a stretch. My becoming a Cardinals fan is rooted in several things--the 1980s, Ozzie/Willie/Vince, AstroTurf--that don't apply anymore. Plus, we're not anywhere near St. Louis, and we have no plans to be. It would be more reasonable to expect him to be a Texas or A&M fan, since they're both local teams and can go to the games whenever we want.

My main question with Everett becoming a Cardinals fan, though, is not "how" but "why". The process of finding a favorite sports team is so much fun--why provide a shortcut just to push the process in the direction of your favorite team? There are lots of things, not just sports teams but cultural touchstones like Star Wars and Harry Potter, whose appeal is in large part a function of the time when we were exposed to them, plus a number of other factors we can't replicate in our kids. It seems like you should not want your children to like your favorite things but that you should want your children to like their own things as much as you like yours.

That being said, there's definitely an argument to be made for family favorites. The fact that my dad went to Dallas Cowboys games at the Cotton Bowl as a kid (and rode the Fair Park roller coaster during halftime) is a sufficient reason for me to follow them. The Cowboys, Aggies, Tar Heels, and Cardinals are a big deal to me because they're part of a shared family history, which is obviously important. Watching Jordan's shot in 1982 or Ozzie's home run in 1985 is, to me, a family moment because I was living with my family in those places when those moments happened. But so is seeing highlights of Roger Staubach or Don Meredith, even though they were playing before I was born. We follow certain teams together, we talk about them together, and it helps a lot to have those things that you can share with each other and even pass down.

So here's the conclusion I've reached. In terms of getting your children into the things that you're into, you should pass down exactly one favorite thing to your children. And that thing is The Beatles. (The rest will happen on its own, or not at all, both of which are okay.)

p.s. The Rangers onesie was a gift from one of my sales reps. My first week back at work after Everett was born was my group's yearly sales conference. The sales reps brought baby clothes representing their regions' sports teams--Texas Rangers, Oakland A's, Penn State Nittany Lions, Minnesota Vikings, and Ohio State Buckeyes (a Brutus Buckeye plush toy, actually). So Everett has worn clothes from four relatively random teams without yet having worn Cardinals, Aggies, or Longhorns gear. So I guess you could say I'm doing a good job of not indoctrinating him into my favorite sports teams. Or you could say that I'm doing a good job of indoctrinating him into sports in general.

Everett's Birth Story

http://picasaweb.google.com/daniel.lauve/Everett

January 18, 2011 started like pretty much any other day, except that Brandi was complaining of a "low ache" as she was getting ready for work. With the previous two OB appointments showing some progress, we had suspected that the baby might come over the holiday weekend. Brandi had hopefully said over and over again that she was looking forward to a January 15 baby, so when the weekend ended, we reset our expectations and got ready for a short work week.

After my brisk walk in the neighborhood ended at 7am, I noticed that my hips seemed very loose and my lower back was aching. I felt different and I also remembered that our Bradley teacher had told us to ignore early signs of labor. Taking your mind off of it would make it seem not as bad or as long. I didn't want to stay home and obsess over the fact that this could be the day that Everett would be born, so I went to the office!

I went to a couple of meetings at work and by lunchtime, I could tell that the labor cues were getting stronger, although it still didn't feel like any of the pains were true contractions that could be timed. I knew it was time to go home when I kept having to lean on my desk in my cube to relieve the intensity of the lower back pain. I wrapped up what I could at work and had this thought that I would go home and get out of my dress and boots and try to take a nap and see if that made me feel any better. When I couldn't nap because the pain was too much, I called my mom and told her that it was probably time for them to start heading to Austin.

Brandi called me at a little before noon telling me that she was planning on heading home for the day and that I should plan to be home a little early. An hour later she called and asked me to be home as soon as I could. So I wrapped up everything I could think of at the office and announced that I was leaving to be with my wife.

Leaving work in the middle of the day, when you have a wife eight and a half months pregnant, definitely raises some eyebrows. I was feeling full of energy as I raced down Mopac, and when I got to the house I just wanted to run up and give Brandi a big hug and kiss and ask her, "Are you ready to do this!!!" But Brandi had an entirely different energy--she was in the bathtub looking very serene, and it was obvious she was in pain. It was nearly 3:00 p.m., and the contractions were 7 or 8 minutes apart.

I just remember feeling very focused throughout early labor, gearing up for what I knew was going to be an intense experience. I was anxious for Daniel to get home. After 12 weeks of classes and preparation, I knew that he was an integral part in making me feel at ease and reminding me that we could do this. When he arrived and sat on the side of tub and let me lean into him I felt strangely calm and so much love.

By 4:00, the contractions were five minutes apart and a minute long. I was running around the house packing and calling our doctor and our doula, running back to the bathroom every five minutes to be with Brandi through a contraction. I felt a little bit like a plate spinner, but I also knew I had the easy part. By 5:00, the contractions were three to four minutes apart. We left the house at 5:30 and made the five-minute trip to the hospital.

Seton Southwest is a small hospital in the southwest corner of Austin. It has 19 beds, 7 for labor and delivery. We had known that labor and delivery was at capacity for a week, so before we got to our room we had to stay in a small triage room for a little while. When we first arrived at the hospital, they did an exam to see what Brandi's progress was. Dilation is sort of like a watched pot. It is something that isn't very predictable, so she made the decision to not find out how dilated she was so that it didn't discourage her in any way. I later asked the nurse privately and she was at 4 centimeters. Brandi continued to have regular contractions, and she found numerous ways to deal with them. She would lay on her side in bed, lean on me while walking around the hospital, or use the exercise ball we brought.

Around 7:00 p.m., we were walking in the hall, and we turned the corner and saw my parents, they had just arrived to the hospital. It tugged at my heart to see them, however I knew I needed to stay focused. I walked with them a little and after watching one of the stronger contractions, my Daddy was ready to go to the waiting room so that he didn't have to see his little girl in pain! I felt like the contractions that I was having right before we left for the hospital were painful, but I later discovered that was somewhat naive. The pain increased significantly at the hospital and twice the thought of an epidural crossed my mind.

It was difficult seeing her in so much pain, but it was good to hear Jessica, our doula, say that her contractions were productive. She had some very difficult ones, and she wanted me right in her face for each and every one. At one point, I stepped away to throw some goldfish down my throat (I hadn't eaten in 9 hours), and I finished a bite right as another contraction was starting. So I ran over to Brandi, and when the contraction was over Brandi said, frustrated, "You need GUM!!!" Apparently goldfish breath is not her favorite. But she was incredibly focused and strong throughout the whole ordeal.

Both Daniel and Jessica were the best team a laboring woman could have. Daniel was encouraging me and full of energy. During a contraction, I didn't take my eyes off of him. He kept the 9 hours of music that he compiled for the labor going, and told me stories that kept me focused on us. Jessica offered reassurance that everything was going as it should, kept us calm, and kept the right amount of pressure on my lower back so that Daniel could focus on talking to me.

Brandi was fully dilated by 10:00 p.m., but her water still hadn't broken yet. So our doctor offered to break it for her, using a device that looks like the offspring of a chopstick and an orange peeler. After that she was solidly into the pushing phase. Brandi was very tired at this point, and it was a challenge for her to muster the energy to push him out, but she did an amazing job.

Once I was past transition and into 2nd stage labor, my contractions started feeling "pushy" as the nurse put it, and they weren't as painful. My body pretty much started pushing on it's own. I looked at the clock on the wall in front of me at 11:30 p.m. and will never forget telling the birthing team that his birthday was going to be the 18th and that it was time for him to get here. Everett Winston Lauve arrived at 10:47 p.m., all 7 pounds 9 ounces and 20 1/2 inches.

I can't say enough about what a superstar Brandi was through the whole process, from her months of preparation to her pushing through all kinds of pain and fatigue at the hospital. I will never, ever compare anything to what a woman goes through in childbirth, not even the time we were at a restaurant and my meal arrived ten minutes after everyone else's.

As soon as the delivery was over, the pain went away and I felt nothing but elation and adrenaline. Our baby was welcomed into the world soon after with an audience of family. All of our parents, Daniel's sister Alicia and my brother Brent were there to greet him. I haven't completely forgotten the pain and yet the experience was so powerful and uncomplicated, I would do it all over again for our beautiful boy!

p.s. There are a lot of details that we left out of this particular retelling, for the sake of internet propriety. If you want to hear more, just ask Brandi.

Winston James "Jimmy" Nunez, Jr--My Daddy

I have thought about this post for several days, knowing that a blog about our newborn baby boy would not be complete without honoring my Daddy's memory and talking about his passing. I had the most wonderful rewarding experience of my life and had my heart broken less than two days later. I've shared many stories about my Dad, and many of my friends have met him, too. So many people have reached out to console us--I've received countless cards, messages and emails and I know even more are keeping us in their thoughts and prayers as my family and I learn to live a different life without our compass. Below is something that I wrote and shared at the Rosary and viewing. The other passage is the eulogy that our Pastor and family friend, Father Ron, read at Daddy's funeral. These will give even more insight into the great man my Father was.

My Daddy

While I knew that someday I could be faced with the moment of deciding if I would speak at my dad’s funeral, I never expected it to be this soon. I would like to say that I made the choice to speak here tonight on my own accord. However, I know my Daddy has been right beside me these past three days and in his own way, encouraging me to share some special thoughts with all of you. Because he knows this is one way that I grieve and cope, to write and share. I could go on for hours about him but I’m going to try and keep it brief for your sakes. We had a very special relationship. He looked forward to getting my birthday cards and Father’s Day cards in the mail because I almost always wrote a lengthy message inside them; he would pull out his reading glasses before even opening the card. So I guess the thing to say now is Daddy, pull out your reading glasses.

There are so many things I can say about him. I could talk to you about how much he loved the weather. He had his own rain gauge and wind meter, and one of my favorite things to do would be to call him and ask, “What’s the weather going to be like?” When I used to travel for work, he would even give me forecasts for all the cities I was traveling to. He was awed by storms, and as severe as Hurricane Rita was, he was fascinated by it.

Many of my favorite recent memories surround his trips to Austin to visit me. If you know my Daddy, you know a few other things about him: he’s quite the handyman, he doesn’t like to sit still, and he loves margaritas. It’s amazing how he could go from jogging on Town Lake, to painting or doing other home projects to help us out, to finishing off the night with margaritas and Mexican food, his favorite.

Several years ago my Daddy taught me to run, running backwards in front of me for the first mile, encouraging me the whole way. I never go on a jog that I don’t think about my father because he is such a part of the reason I run. We shared the ups and downs of running and understood what the other person was going through. He faithfully ran at Ebenezer Park, which is out on Sam Rayburn Lake. He ran there for so many years that he liked to call the park his own.

Christmas is always one of my favorite times of the year, and though he never would have said it like I would, I think it was one of his favorite times as well. Ever since Brent and I were little, we had a family tradition of making Christmas sugar cookies together, and more recently, Dad and I were the great team that frosted the cookies. He loved hearing me sing beside him at Christmas Mass, and Silent Night was his favorite. Once my Paw Paw passed away, my dad played Santa Claus at our Memaw’s house to a lot of the kids you see here tonight and some of their parents.

I have very fond memories of being at Crystal Beach with my whole extended family. Many summers in the past, there were Domecs, Nunezes, Dupuis, Jennusas, Breauxs and many others together sharing the same beach. We have such a big family, with so many people for us to love. My Daddy enjoyed it all: playing volleyball with family, jogging on the beach, sitting in the shade reading his paper, drinking a beer and listening to the waves at Crystal Beach.

Growing up, there were times when I thought my dad was too set in his ways, but there were many signs recently that caused me to see a different side of my dad. I know in the last 15 years or so I have seen him soften his stances on a few things. He swore off treadmills early on, but he eventually purchased one at my mom’s request and learned to enjoy running on it regularly when he couldn’t get to Ebenezer Park. He never liked exotic foods, but in recent years he let Brent and me introduce him to many new cuisines. The most significant change has been his relationship with the church. Recently he started attending Bible studies and helping out at church functions, and last year he became a Eucharistic minister.

He always has had a soft spot for me. However, I think that soft spot had grown tremendously to reach out to other people and places. And I saw this right up until the day he died. We don’t know what the reports will show on my dad’s condition; I believe that his heart just burst with joy, an overwhelming amount of joy. He had the opportunity to meet his first grandson who was named after him, came 11 days early with twin toes like my Daddy and me for the occasion. And he had his family around him, he felt good, looked good, and was doing one of the things he loved when he died. How many people can say that?

God made his heart just right and just open enough that He could receive him into his kingdom. And while we’ll never fully understand why this happened, my heart will take comfort in knowing that my Daddy died happy, jogging all the way to Heaven.

Here is the eulogy that was shared at the funeral on January 24:

It is not easy for us to find the right words to say at a funeral; it is especially difficult at this one. Usually the most we can manage to say is: “You have my deepest sympathy.” But these words seem to inadequate to express what we feel in our hearts.

This morning, as we gather to celebrate the life of Jimmy Nunez, we are very personally aware of how mysterious our lives are. We have so many questions we would like answers to: Why? Why Jimmy? Why this? Why now? But these answers lie hidden with God, and so for all of us, the mystery remains. Today we gather to mourn the absence of Jimmy among us, this Church where he and Connie worshipped together so often, this Church where they were extraordinary Ministers of the Eucharist, this Church where Brandi and Brent received the Sacrament of Confirmation and we ask those “why” questions about the meaning of events in Jimmy’s life, questions about the meaning of human life and death. For this sudden and unexpected death of Jimmy makes us ask those questions with more intensity and urgency.

But we can’t help but be uplifted by the Scripture readings which Connie and her children chose for this Mass of Jimmy’s Resurrection. In the reading from the Book of Revelation, we hear the consoling words: “I, John, saw a new heaven and a new earth.” Jimmy is seeing that very sight at this moment for St. John reminds us that “God will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there shall be no more death or mourning…for the old order has passed away.” Then St. John goes on to tell us: “Behold, I make all things new.” Jimmy is a new creation right now enjoying the rewards he so richly deserves.

As we remember Jimmy, a man of laughter, life, and love, we keep thinking: “It doesn’t make any sense for us to be here this morning.” For Jimmy seemed to be in perfect health. He went jogging almost every day. He wasn’t overweight. He always ate healthy and 62 is NOT old! He was so in love with Connie. I remember once at a priests meeting we were discussing marriage at a round-table discussion and one of the priests asked: “Are there any really happy marriages in your parish?” I immediately said yes for I instantly thought of Connie and Jimmy. They were always together, here in church praying together, exercising their ministry as Eucharistic Ministers, at St. Raymond’s where they frequently attended Mass on Friday mornings and always attended Mass and Stations of the Cross during Lent. To all of us who knew and love them, we knew they were so very much in love. And that’s why when I got back to the parish on Thursday afternoon from our priests retreat and Regina told me Jimmy had died that morning while jogging in Austin, I simply could not believe it. And I still don’t have the right words to say to you today.

But there is one in our midst today who does have the right words for this gathering, one who is most able to speak to hearts full of sorrow. That one is Jesus, the one who spoke to us a moment ago in the Gospel when he told us: “Do not let your hearts be troubled.” Throughout his life, Jesus put people’s fears to flight by His preaching and teaching and healing. And because His words and deeds filled people’s hearts with faith, there was less room for fear. After His resurrection, Jesus continued to put fear to flight. And today, Jesus gives us the way and the means to calm our fears and to steady our hearts when He says, “You have faith in God; have faith also in me.”

Such faith does not remove our sorrow at Jimmy’s death. But faith gives us this assurance: for Jimmy and for all those made in the divine image, God’s mercy is everlasting.

We come to know God’s love for us most completely in Jesus Christ. For we just heard in our first Scripture reading from the Book of Wisdom that “the just man, though he die early, shall be at rest…for He who pleased God was loved.” Jimmy was a just man. He did indeed please God. The writer of of the Book of Wisdom reminds us that “having become perfect in a short while, he reached the fullness of a long career; for his soul was pleasing to the Lord.” Being Jimmy’s pastor these past 25 years, I know how pleasing he was to the Lord. And that’s why I know love is stronger than death. For that love is God’s eternal gift to those God makes his own in baptism. We are made in the image of the living God, and death—no matter when or how it comes—cannot erase that divine image from us. God holds us in life and in death because God never lets us go. Death has no power to snuff out the life of God that God shared all these years with Jimmy. Our faith affirms that we possess within ourselves the seed of eternal life. Our faith unites us with Jimmy; it overflows into an ocean of hope that Jimmy has found true life in God. This faith affirms what we shall soon pray during this liturgy, namely: “Lord, for your faithful people, life is CHANGED, not ENDED.” You and I know well how faithful Jimmy was to the Lord and to His Church. Therefore we know that Jimmy’s life has not ended but has only changed. For in death, Jimmy’s mortal life is changed, but it remains HIS life, with all the circumstances and aspects of his life.

I met with Connie, Brandi, and Brent on Saturday afternoon and I listened as they reminisced about Jimmy. They told me no matter where they went, He would scout out the area and find a place where he could go jogging. He loved to mow the lawns and always took pride in the lawn around his home, their camp, and the Rayburn Superette. Whenever he saw a lawn that wasn’t properly cared for or properly edged, he would wonder why those people didn’t take better care of what God has created for us and shared with us. His favorite meal was breakfast and he so enjoyed going out with the parishioners after Sunday morning Mass for breakfast together. And when they were traveling he could almost always find a Red Lobster to dine at. He made friends with everyone and nurtured those friendships over many years.

When he was a teenager, he began delivering newspapers from his bike and he had quite a long paper route. But years after, he would remember all the people he delivered papers to and could tell you exactly where they lived. He could probably even tell you if they paid on time. He enjoyed the beach where he and Connie took their family every summer for vacation. He was always neat and liked things being in order for he thought everything had a place and everything should be in its place. He worked for many years at Texaco as a pipefitter and then 26 years ago he and Connie moved their family to Rayburn Country where he owned and operated the Rayburn Superette. His employees greatly respected him for his sense of humor, his honesty, and his integrity. He enjoyed work and always worked hard but never considered it work, for he enjoyed interacting with people. When Jimmy’s dad died, Jimmy inherited the role of Santa Claus by giving out gifts every Christmas to the 50 or more family members that gathered for the family Christmas. Jimmy loved making others happy and he did it so well and so often. Brandi remembers always calling her Dad, asking his advice and his opinion on so many events in her life. How fitting that Jimmy was there when his first grandson, Everett, was born there in Austin late Tuesday evening. What a great grandfather Jimmy would have been!

But these memories are such a small part of who Jimmy was. Each of you have memories you could share with us that would bring both laughter and tears to our eyes, for Jimmy was a complex man who touched the lives of countless numbers of people. Jimmy brought joy to our lives. He was a Christian to the core of his being and that’s why we know a marvelous change is now taking place in Jimmy, for Jesus has prepared a place for Jimmy in His Father’s house. That place will surely have all the warmth and familiarity of the home that Jimmy shared with his family. In Jimmy’s new home, God’s mercies are never-ending.

Today, the heaviness of our hearts cannot be hidden from Jesus; yet He invites us to do what we are called to do whenever we celebrate the Eucharist. He says: “Lift up your hearts.” Jimmy’s heart was formed by the faith of his family and by the parishioners of this parish. Such was the heart that Jimmy lifted up to God in his love for Connie, Brandi and Daniel and Everett and Brent, in his prayers and in his generosity.

Jesus says: “Do not let your hearts be troubled.” These life-giving words can calm our hearts and fill them with faith, not fear; with hope, not despair; with love, not bitterness. For today Jesus walks with us on our road of sadness and confusion and assures us of His loving presence. This Eucharist that we offer for Jimmy is the meal of Christ’s presence, the meal that Jimmy shared with us so frequently. And because Jesus is Lord of the living, Jimmy lives with Jesus in our Father’s house for all eternity. Jimmy, one day we will see you there! Keep the lawns mowed till we get there!

Winding Down the Year, Gearing Up for Baby

http://picasaweb.google.com/daniel.lauve/December2010

So all of a sudden we turned around and we are two weeks away from the due date given for our baby boy. We had a great Christmas vacation, the whole time excited and aware that it was our last holiday as a family of two. I woke up with a cold that started out my week of vacation; it didn't damper my favorite holiday of the year! We left Austin on Wednesday and drove to be with my parents and brother in Jasper. We did our usual holiday baking, napping and catching up. Then on Christmas day we visited the Comeauxs and Heberts. We got to be a part of their Christmas, which was special because Amber and I shared many Christmases growing up. I enjoyed making bulletin boards for the girls rooms with Amber, and I think Daniel played football in the freezing cold with the kids.

We left on Sunday morning to go to San Antonio to be with Daniel's parents, sister Alicia and the Neelys. We'd decided to meet there for a mini-vacation in lieu of gifts. We had a good time walking the Riverwalk, checking out local restaurants (if you need good breakfast tacos go to Taco Haven) and playing games with the family.

Once we arrived back home we even had a pre-New Year's party with some of my college friends at our house. It was so fun to spend time with everyone and once we had laughed and caught up, the very next night Daniel and I thoroughly enjoyed a quiet New Year's.

Since we've gone back to work in 2011, we've really gotten to work! With less than a month to go, we got really busy preparing the house for the baby. The nursery is all finished. And after 5 extremely generous baby showers from our colleagues, friends and family, we have all the important stuff. We now spend each day open to the idea that he could bless us with his arrival any moment. We feel as ready as you can for something that will change your life forever in ways you can't really know until you experience it.

Here are some pictures of both the belly and the nursery-two of the things that have required a lot of work in the last month!

We also have a special announcement--our baby's name was decided on our Christmas trip through Texas after lots of thought, research and prayers: Everett Winston Lauve!

Everett, we already love you and can't wait to meet you soon.

Your parents,
Brandi & Daniel

Third Trimester

We're now two weeks from Christmas, three weeks from New Year's, and seven weeks from our due date. January 29 will be an amazing day that results in the birth of our baby, if, that is, Brandi is among the 5 or so percent of women who give birth on their due date. In the last few weeks, she has started to feel some of the discomfort associated with the third trimester. We've got stripes up in the baby's room, though they still need some "adjusting," and it's entirely possible that our unborn son has more to wear than his already born father. We've had classes on every step of the process, and we've seen videos that make The Exorcist seem like You've Got Mail.

Here are some pictures of Brandi as she wraps up the first half of the third trimester:

Week 27



Week 28


Week 29


Week 32


Week 33

Well Done, Edgar

In 2004, Edgar Renteria of the St. Louis Cardinals grounded out softly to the pitcher on a play that gave the Boston Red Sox their first World Series title since 1918. The Cardinals took the title in 2006, but I know I'm not the only fan who was a little disappointed that Edgar wasn't celebrating with them. That was corrected (a little bit) tonight.

Two years after Willie McGee's retirement, the position of "favorite active baseball player" was open (after briefly being filled by Tony Gwynn), and Renteria stepped in nicely. I was, I believe, the first person to sponsor his page on Baseball-Reference.com, and he was the first player I ever chose in a fantasy draft. Congratulations on winning the 2010 World Series MVP--you deserve it.

Week 24

Today Brandi is at 24 weeks, which puts us at the precipice of the third trimester (most say the third trimester begins at 28 weeks, which is mathematically problematic, which is why many others say 25 or 26 weeks). Lately the baby has started kicking Brandi quite a lot--for her it is very exciting to be kicked all of the time, and for me it is very exciting but also like a cop on a stakeout, placing my hand on her belly and waiting patiently for something to happen. She has gained 11 pounds thus far, and I think you'll agree she carries it well. Here are some pictures of the belly:

Week 21


Week 23


Week 24