Tuesday, November 22, 2005

A Way Out for Marshmallow and Yam

Before heading off to Crawford, President Bush did something very important today. Here's my entry from last year's ethics journal, on the timely topic of animal rights:

Today was a somewhat exciting day in my family because it was the day that President Bush pardoned the turkey and sent it off to a farm to live out the rest of its days. This is not normally something that registers on the Lauve radar, but my father works for the turkey segment of Cargill, and this year one of his colleagues, who is serving in a rotation as president of the Turkey Federation, went to Washington with his family to present the turkey. So a family I’ve known for a long time got to schmooze with the President and take part in this cute tradition that ensures that a turkey’s life will be spared this Thanksgiving.


Except the fortunes of the turkey are not nearly as pleasant as most people believe. Since the turkey is bred for consumption, he is much too fat to be any good in a natural environment. So he goes off to a farm with a lot of other animals and dies almost immediately. When I told my mother this last night, she reacted as if I was telling her that pro wrestling was fake.


I don’t know how many people would make a stink about this, but I don’t know why they can’t just use a wild turkey (I would guess it’s tough to get one that’s docile enough) or just do away with the ceremony completely. To me it just seems like a waste to doom an eatin’ bird to a fate it’s not suited to.


This year's turkeys aren't going to a farm; they're going to Disneyland to become grand marshals of its Thanksgiving Day Parade, which will bring us a long way toward answering the age-old question of whether animals are capable of feeling ridiculous.

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